Apportunity

Last week talk to her and have no choice but to tell her everything if not she say don't talk to her... Sigh... Hmmm...she surprise me by saying that i must tell her everything if not don't talk to her and of cause i need to talk to her also feel touch by that sentence... She makes me think that i'm important to her that i must tell her everything but am i important? It doesn't matter anyway as long as i know that she's important to me that's enough. So i told her everything and feel like there's nothing else in my life that i keep from her... Well i don't mind telling her everything anyway, cause i trust her and that's why she know everything bout me...

Now i don't know what's wrong with myself, my life... Last few days seems to be very pathetic and it makes me feel like wanna give up... But when i think of her and what she told me in past makes me still standing around people. Then there's the 3rd person, another woman came to my life and started to talk to her bout what happen recently. I did not tell her exactly what happen cause most probably just don't want her to be worry and don't wanna tell her bout all the bad or sad things... Think everything that had happen last few days is all because of my own attitude and i must do something with that... Hmmm...everything is just pathetic this days or maybe i'm the one who pathetic... Can't blame anyone but myself...

Wednesday,24th September

I don't know what should i do or react. I try hard to control my emotions today in class and it took me for quite sometime to relax myself. I was trying to control myself and can't be bothered to do other things cause i was really concentrate telling myself to relax... At the same time i did not do whatever i should do for (CE) lessons, its not that i don't want to do but its just that i'm trying to control myself, my emotions. I really can't take it anymore, i can't bear to see her like that but what can i do and again i'm just helpless... That's when i feel, think that i've make another person feel unhappy by my behaviour... As i'm trying very hard to control myself, i can't take it and just starts to cry...

I know and realized that i had done something really wrong last weekend and i've hurt the person that i love. I also know that she feel so hurt by my action and my behaviour... I guess this the biggest mistake i ever done in my life and i will never do it again... I don't want to hurt people around me and especially if that person is my loved ones... Why is all this happening to me... Why is my happiness end so fast and problem, sadness take place... Just hope any of this days i can talk to her if she got time...

Saturday,20th September

I went out with senior to study at amk from 2plus and i was supposed to reach home before 10pm. I meet her at the amk library but there's no space for us to study in the library. About 7pm went to the middle of amk field near to the condo to watch the sunset, having fun, being super lame and took pictures. Then went to banquet to have dinner and after that we went to mac to study again. Around 915pm decided to go home cause its quite late, we pack then walk to the mrt and by the time we reach the mrt its about 930pm. We was being super lame especially to "you and ur enjoyment" keep on talk about the enjoy. Haha... So the day is just fine all the way up to 940pm i took mrt and senior, she walk home.

While i'm in the train msg my mum to inform her that i'm on the way home but she was unhappy that i'll be late which is i'll be reaching home after 10pm. Well, i know its my mistake but at least i inform her that i'll be late and i only will be late for about 10-15mins not 1hour. Hmmm...that's the night that i never expected something bad will happen and something that i never dream of i'll do such a thing, something that i just can't say it out. Now i'm just feeling soo sad and not sure, dunno whatever i had done last night is the right thing to do or the wrong thing but i guess its the wrong thing to do. But at that point of time i also dunno what to do already was feeling very sad and stress to... Hais...seriously dunno what gonna happen to my life in future and now just can't stop crying... I know that i can't let this matter effect my studies but this time round its really hard to get it out of my mind as this is a very serious thing i ever made... Why must i always be like this...when i started to be positive something "whacked" me down to the ground again and it really hurts.... Lastly...


To the two of "you"...

Just wanna really thank you both for being by my side when i need the support. Thanks for all the support and everything that you guys have given me, i really appreciate it...Without the both of you i really don't know and can't imagine what's gonna happen to me, to my life. Also have a great time with you guys, all the lame jokes and the enjoyment... Haha... Will never forget those times when we're together... Thank You so so much!! :) Smile!

It hurts...

As i'm typing, its hard for me to stop my tears... I really don't know what to do... It hurts me so so much to hear bad things like gossips bout the both of them... Although i know all that gossips is not true but it still hurts me soo much to hear all that, again & again and Again!! Sign...

I'm not strong to hear all that...whenever i heard gossips bout them i will always feel soo hurts and will speak up to those who talk bad things bout the both of them. Last time i did not do that cause i think its not true so why must i respond but now...i can't take it anymore, day after day more and more bad gossips bout them... Sigh... Hmmm... Don't know what to do...i know i'm just helpless. Helpless! Helpless!!... All i want is to see them happy but well i know all this is part of life... I belief at the end of the day they both will be just fine, today also no mood and never eat at all... Hmmm...think now should just relax my mind or else will get bad headache again... Well after all, its normal if i feel worry bout them...

Saturday,13th September

I went to polyclinic this morning to check what's wrong with my left eye and ear... Cause i had headache last few days and its affecting my left eye and ear. Now my left ear is ok but my left eye, still in pain and after i break my fast i ate the medicine and its soo bitter... I only take the medicine when i'm having headache, the doctor say that maybe i get headache cause i'm feeling stress... Hmmm...but dun think i'm feeling stress right now, maybe its because during the one week holiday one of the day i'm soo stress and get headache. I feel so so tired and sleepy now, early in the morning straight the way go to polyclinic... Glad that nothing serious after all, just need to eat the bitter medicine and don't need to go for X-tray... I reach around 8plus and waited for quite long to see the doctor and to get the medicine... Hmmm...so sleepy better get some rest now so tomorrow got the energy to continue my fasting...

Wednesday,3rd September

Last wednesday i went to school for maths remedial in the morning started at 9am and end around 10plus. After remedial i went out with three of the girls from my class til around 1plus and then i meet my senior and walk around amk til 8plus. On that day actually i'm not feeling well but don't wanna go home so hang out with my senior... When i wanna leave already, contact my mum and meet her... Glad that at the end of the day i went home with my mum cause my condition was very very bad. Reach home i was like zombie, feeling very cold,straight the way lie down and sleep. I was so tired but had a nice day out with senior so not so bad. Whatever that i had done really affect my health i guess... Hmmm...i told one of my friend what happen and after telling her everything she told me good that i'm not her sister if not she will slap me already. Hais...good that she's not my sister if not i kana slap already... Hmmm...such a caring friend i have... Haha... :p That's one of my friend haven include my senior, if she find out confirm scold me to death! Of cause not so stupid go and tell her right but she also might find out by herself one day... Just prepare to run far far away from her when she find out then...

Darkness

Guess now i am in a very dark side... Hope to be shine again... Sometime it's really hurts to be in the dark and really prefer a better side... But sometime also have no choice, just can't take it and can't control it...