Confused!

Today i really forgot that there's some activity held at Padang which i have to go to then my friend call me and told me about it. Well, its not a good start also cause i don't wanna go for it but there's one of the staff tell me to go home if i don't wanna go for the activity and also told me that there's not enough pupil and yet i'm around but don't wanna go. I really feel so so guilty and at the same time i didn't inform my mum about that activity as i totally forgot about it. So decided to just go after thinking about it and went to general office (GO) to call my mum and let one of the male teacher talk to her and explain everything about the activity.

While we in the bus i was not in the mood and its really got nothing to do with anyone of them but its because i've been feeling like that for the past few days. Till today and right now i'm still feeling the same and i'm trying to let that feeling out from me. Its not that i'm unhappy with anyone of them or angry but i don't blame them cause maybe my action makes you pupil think that way. On Monday will be my streaming and my first day of ********. Which mean next year i won't and can't be like last year, this year, i can't help so much and give my full time in school's activities and also can't volunteer for anything that doesn't involve me.

Although next year i gonna be busy for lots of stuff i will always try my very best to put my studies and school things first. I'm sure some of the pupils in school will be wondering why i'm so busy that some of the activities i've to cut down but no matter what i can't tell those pupils my reasons. I think its really not nice if those pupils find out and i know one day they will find out about it but hopefully not from me but they know by themselves.

I was so confused of myself yesterday that i also can't understand why. After the whole thing at Padang we gather at the same place and there's a groups of Malay guys singing and they hit one of my school teacher (CCPE) and just keep singing don't even bother to apologise and i was staring at them as i'm really unhappy with their behaviour. Then my senior ask me who are they and i answer her out loud and just told her "Some outsides that's really very Rude!"

I'm so angry and after i claim myself i ask myself why am i so angry just because they hit her, the teacher when she herself didn't say anything about it. I'm confused cause i'm not only angry, unhappy but i'm also get so agitated at that point of time. When actually beginning of the day i had a small conflict with her. Hope there's someone out there can help me by explaining this confusing thing to me...